An incredibly self-indulgent post

Warning: You might want to get sick buckets before you start reading. This is going to get soppy.

As a lot of you will already know, the Giraffe has been away this week on a work-related course. She’s been staying an a hotel at the other end of the country.

It’s been really, really weird not having her here. This is the longest we’ve been apart since she moved in 13 months ago. She’s been away for a couple of nights visiting her folks before, but this is the first time in a very long time I’ve had almost a week without her.

It has taken me back to the time before she moved up. We used to spend every evening emailing, texting, skyping and eventually (once we both had iPads) face-timing. So even when she wasn’t here, my evenings were spent ‘with’ her. It hasn’t been so easy this time. The hotel’s wifi is awful, so face time wasn’t initially an option. She’s also having to eat out every night, so she’s not back in and able to properly talk to me until much later in the evening. We’ve been iMessaging and texting, but it’s just not the same as seeing her face. For the first three nights, we also called each other to say goodnight. It’s the only time through the day we actually spoke, and it quickly became my favourite time. We did manage to face time for the last two nights. Seeing her face was such a relief. I think it made me realise even more how much I was missing her, but it was definitely worth it.

I used to love living alone (or as alone as you get with a child in the house…). I used to value the peace and quiet of the house once Nuggs was in bed. I loved my own company and not having to consider anyone else. I think I was probably the happiest I had ever been; in my house, own my own. It was perfect. Then this amazing woman dropped into my life from nowhere, moved in and life shifted very quickly. I had expected to struggle with having someone (even someone as lovely as the Giraffe) in ‘my’ space. (I had a very memorable wobble one night about something so small and tiny that I now have no idea why it shook me so much.) Surprisingly, I didn’t struggle in the sightest. We just moulded around each other from that start and a new normal found itself very quickly. It was like it was always meant to be like this.

In the run up to this week of her being away, I had wondered if I would enjoy being on my own again. I thought that I might quite enjoy the space. I told her that I was looking forward to the chance to miss her, in the nicest possible way.

In reality, this week has been long and lonely and cold. I know she hasn’t  had an easy week of it either.

We usually travel in to work together (on the days we both work, at least). The drives in have been very quiet without her beside me. Not that we normally speak much (I’m not known for my ability to be a morning person), but just that presence not being in the car was strange. Coming home without her was just as strange. Knocking around the exceptionally quiet house of an evening, I have been wondering what I used to do when I was alone. The answer was probably waste my nights on Twitter/Facebook/Other random websites (so not actually that much different to what the two of us do now). I have been asking myself how I didn’t go mad with lonliness. It’s Too Quiet. Now there’s a phrase I never thought I’d see myself type!

Bedtimes have probably been the worst points of the week. Not just for the fact she normally heats my side of the bed up for me. (Isn’t that just the nicest thing ever?) Going to bed by myself makes me quite sad. All I want is to curl up next to the woman I love and stay there all night. It’s the time I miss her the most.

I miss her smell, I miss her voice, I miss her touch, I miss everything. I’m totally and properly completely in love with her. And I want her back.

And tonight, I get her 😀